Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Teach your boys 'Ladies First'


Whenever any sexual crime surfaces in news, I can’t help feeling surprised at its high rate of incidence in Delhi, its surrounding areas and Haryana. What is that which is missing the eyes and placing these regions high on rape charts. Couple it with the fact that these areas (whole northern India for that matter) witness the lower female to male ratio. In many states, the situation is so alarming that people have to import girls from neighbouring states to marry their sons. Even buying brides is not unheard of there. Less women results in increasing frustration in men. That gives spurt to such crimes which in turn make people go for female foeticide to avoid future responsibilities and shame.   Which again links back to skewed sex ration completing the vicious circle . What forces men to commit such heinous crime - their own frustration, mental instability, their fear of women taking over their domain or the environment prevalent in their homes that gives scant regard and place of respect to women. I often wonder what could be the parent’s stance when their kids commit such a crime. Or are parents even aware about the lesser crimes their boys must be committing around like eve teasing, ragging, or causing deliberate inconvenience to their female counterparts in colleges or offices. We (as is customary in our society) play very alert parents when it comes to girls. Alas, in case of sons, our patriarchal sensibilities take over. More often than not the elders may be, well, shaping their boys’ insensitive and dominating behaviour by:
  • Not paying due respect to the women in the family and in public place in front of their kids,
  • Showing that aggression towards women and not agreeing in general to their views is a mark of a man,
  • Using vulgar curses, which targets women in filthiest of terms 
  • Not bothering about the whereabouts of grown-up boys,
  • Keeping them away from household chores, relegating it to women of the house, in a way reaffirming male superiority,
  • Showering them unnecessarily with unearned, undeserved expensive gifts and money.
This attitude goes a long way how they view women and their relationship with them, when they grow up. Timely sex education at home can also prevent them from straying. But most important is to conduct yourself in way that serves as a right example for the impressionable minds. You never know when the casual macho behaviour flaunted in front of them may be taken too seriously and lead them to take extreme steps in future. Making little genuine changes in our conduct, being a little more careful in front of our kids’ and making them contribute at par with women folk can go a long ways is giving right direction to our kids’ sensibilities. What you fancy, raising our children in way that we are proud of or ending up doing rounds of police stations or courts trying rescuing them! Carrying the burden of being parent to a rapist is no less either. It’s time we taught our boys ‘ladies First’.

45 comments:

  1. Hi Meenakshi,

    Very true, what you have said in this post. Every male should be taught since childhood about the value of a female in society. They should learn to properly respect the women, who's a actually a fellow human being.

    Keep up the good work

    Regards

    Jay
    http://road-to-sanitarium.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have to admire Mr. Hobbit... He's always been consistent with disciplining the boys when it comes to raising their voices at me or talking back.. He'll always say, "Don't let me hear you talking to your mom like that ever again!" I think it's important too to talk to little boys and teach them from an early age how to properly speak to a woman and how to respect a woman.. Your post is dead on!!! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. very true! respecting elders, men and women alike is very important to be taught to children. My hubby has very carefully set before my daughter that my decision and my permission is equally important for anything small or big and for that I am ever thankful!

      Delete
  3. EXACTLY , all these men who are caught have ladies in their family, how many of these ladies will actually come out and slap them is a question..

    most family members always try to save their ward irrespective of what they ahve done ..

    I remember when i was young I DARE not say anything to a girl or d oanything funny for my DAD would have SHOT me .. I knew that .. how many kids know that now is a question ..

    Good one Meenakshi

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bang on Bikram, till the women come out and slap their children tight for misbehaving with women in place of trying to rescue them, things are not going to change. But you pick up any incident be it Ruchika molestation case or any such crime, wives and mothers are always seen standing besides the criminal. That's sad! When woman will start respecting themselves????

      Delete
  4. Women shouldn't be treated as a mere object, they should be respected like normal human beings. These crimes really leave a dark mark in our modern society. And it's not just about Delhi, it happens everywhere !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Amrit! Its happening everywhere around the globe, but areas seem to be more at danger than others. Delhi and Haryana are one of them.

      Since the inception of human kind, we have come long way in terms of social settlement, technology, but animal within us still survives!

      Delete
  5. Yea, we teach children how to worship goddesses, but fail in teaching them how not to treat women as doormats. Nice read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. very well said, Sir. I hope all positive minds get together to uproot this thorn from the flesh of humanity.

      Delete
  6. Home is the first school and what kids absorb at a very young age is what moulds their thought process... As you very rightly pointed out Meenakshi, change for good should begin at home and both men and women should learn to give and take respect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope, we women take the responsibility to bring about this change at our homes. Thanks for reading, Reshma.

      Delete
  7. Its sad. I think law and order will always have its limitations. I agree with you, we need to culture the minds. I did a little bit of research on the topic and found some facts that support what we are saying - http://goo.gl/E7ZTl, please do take a read...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Law will inherently have limitations. But in India law is delayed, denied in such a manner that it is has lost all its power. It is a thing to be manipulated and used to serve selfish motives. In Arabian countries, rape culprits are beheaded, nothing less. Thanks for the link and visit!

      Delete
  8. Completely agree with you...we youngsters (boys) are seldom taken care of what we are doing at colleges and at offices...partiality towards girls start from their own home...a son is treated with royalty and a daughter as a slave...

    i agree with the concept of honour killings and it's vicious circle....though somehow...i couldn't grasp the words...even if there are 10 girls and boys...would that mean...people go out and do such heinous crime...the problem is with the mentality of people and once that's not changed...nothing would change...all the morals of sex education and others would be of any prominence only when we change our mentality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, absolutely not. What I mean is the such incidents put pressure on already skewed sex ration and result in increase in female foeticide. If there will less no. of women per 10 males, the problem of attacking women for sexual satisfaction will increase. I will recommend here a movie made on this topic, 'Matrubhumi - a nation without women'. Which explores such scenario and resultant instability in society and increased atrocities on women.

      Delete
    2. What you are speaking is absolutely true...but my point is...even if there are 200 girls per 100 boys...these crimes aren't going to stop...as we have a wrong mentality of looking at girls...people look them as lustful objects rather a respected human being...and that's the reason i vote for the point people should change the way they think about girls and only than any of your words that you stated in your post or even in the comment can be achieved (teachings,morals,increasing sex ratio,female foeticide and there are various other problems)...!!!

      Delete
    3. I completely agree, Anjan! Men generally have a wrong mentality of looking at girls, that is the breeding ground for all the crimes against women. Till we change our basic perception, nothing will change. That has to start from us, our homes, our circles.

      I am so happy about the way you feel about this topic and time you took out for this discussion. Hope lives, it thrives in you and me and all other friends who share our thoughts...Thank you so much!!

      Delete
  9. exactly Meenakshi ---its the ATTITUDE that has to change and this can be done from the HOME and by the WOMAN----mother


    ReplyDelete
  10. meenakshi agreed -situation will change for sure by this :) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Vinisha! Let's work together for creating a constructive environment for all men and women.

      Delete
  11. Yes, I must agree with you. Everything starts from home. But this thing is happening in other parts too. When glamour rules in media and women there believe that showing off is the bravest thing to do, hmm what to say... this is really a deep topic to ponder upon. We have to begin from the root, but first, we must have a strong means to keep these demons under control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree here, problem runs much deeper to have a single and early solution! It is has to be dealt on many fronts! Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  12. Good post and my views too.. though I don't subscribe to 'Ladies first' or any phrase /gesture which differentiates women in any way. If there is no difference between a man and a woman, there is also no 'Ladies first'..is there. What do you say ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ideologically, yes there is so difference between men and women, there shouldn't be, But till that happens and men walk with a superior air, let the chivalry take over!

      Delete
  13. Delhi respects nobody. I live in Delhi. I have seen Delhi for years. It is a city of criminals. Of politicians mainly. Can you get rid of the class called politicians? Delhi will be saved then.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sir, we create politicians, we show them that hey can do anything and get away with it. The same parties, same people take turns to run this rusted machinery. And what about judiciary, why are they sleeping over crimes and criminals. We need a revolution. May be we had enough of democracy! Getting rid of the kings always brings chaos and fight for power among the contenders. Getting rid of politicians is not the solution, changing them is!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I believe we need to reinvent our ethos and what you have said is certainly going to play a crucial role. But, as of now, Oh boy, where do we begin? Education? Religion? Culture? Antiquated Laws? Crumbling Legal System? Corrupt Police? Putrid Politicians? Hardened Criminals? Wolves? Of many cases of bride burning that we come across, women are part of the heinous proceedings in at least 70% of the cases. What gives?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Sir, we have to find out that tread that untangles the whole scenario. No quick fix solution can work here. We can take at least our and our family's responsibility. I guess as I talked to my girl in the wake of this recent happening and instructed her to be careful, parents should also talk to boys and sensitise them towards this issue.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  16. those bullet points are the root cause of an incident like this. there are many who may not commit these crimes but are controlled by similar mentality. one cannot commit such heinous crime unless a larger section of the society endorses those twisted views. and people with such mentality are there everywhere in India.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Accident didn't happen when someone slipped over the spilled oil. Accident happened when the oil was spilled over the floor in the first place. This mentality and its widespread acceptance is the main cause. Everything else is its extension.

      Thanks for reading, Deb!

      Delete
  17. Couldn't agree more Meenakshi! If society changes the way think, many such crimes can be eradicated. forget law, forget police, forget politicians, forget everything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! ideas is to change the mind set. Just fear of some agency will not help much.

      Delete
  18. Incidence of sexual crimes against women is also alarming in most developed countries. So, can't really say that many such crimes can be eradicated if society changes. Strict law is the only solution. Without strict laws morality will go for a toss in any part of the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it right. In developed countries, rape is among the most reported crimes. But then they do not have an alarming law and order situation like we have. change in basic mentality, acceptance of the rights of those who are weaker than us and strict laws, both are necessary.

      Delete
  19. I agree parents and society has to play a big role

    ReplyDelete
  20. I agree with this SO MUCH. It's so important that boys be taught form a very early age to be respectful of women. I feel so fortunate to have been. Great blog post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so very much for visiting and appreciating!

      Delete
  21. Hey,

    This was my first visit to your blog and I am glad I dropped by. It feels good to see that there is someone who is trying to untangle the mindsets behind the entire 'men are superior to women' ideologies.
    The visocous circle definitely need to be broken somewhere.
    Hoping to see a change sooon.

    Keep Smiling.
    Keep Blogging.

    Regards,
    Neha Sharma

    ReplyDelete
  22. u r right, mothers spoil their boys as to them respecting girls is a sigh of effeminacy...our society is the real culprit

    ReplyDelete